Have you been drinking from broken cisterns?

Tonight I feel compelled to write. I am not writing to teach...I am writing out of my deepest, empty, aching need. Maybe I am not alone in having spent too much time lately dipping from broken, useless cisterns?

So reader if, as you read, something strikes a chord, please hear my heart, I am not writing as one who has answers. I am writing merely as a traveler, moving along this dusty path following hard, panting after the One who Knows me and yet loves me still. He knows you too. He Knows, Knows you...like, to the core knows and loves. This is the dancing and singing over you, type of loves you. 

Have I opened up the Word lately and dug in deep? 
I have to say no. 

Are there problems and deep turmoil in my life that are larger than me? 
The problems are chasing me down and I can hear them calling to me in the darkness.

Are you overwhelmed?
I know I am.

Jesus longs for us to see Him as He really is!

He cares about our biggest struggles & our deepest needs.

There seems to be this gap between the knowing and the experiencing.

And yet... in spite of my inability to grasp a hold of, WHO He is...even still. He is the God who came down and tabernacled with us. He dwelt with us. He left the glories of Heaven because only by doing so could He minister to our deepest hurts, bear our sorrows and fulfill our greatest need.

Do I know Him as the God who IS with us? When we can't pay the bills and the choice is between integrity and the next bite for sustenance...then, in that moment, do I know Him as the God who is enough? The God who is with us cares about our needs, our wants and our heartaches.

Have I leaned into Him?

Or am I running? 
My fear of vulnerability drives me on... there I go dipping into an empty well, when there He sits, longing to offer me the living water. 

Oh how long will I hurry and scurry? My soul weighed down, heavy. I can no longer bear the weight of it, but oh how I try. Stumbling, bleeding, bruised and broken I lug my cares along with my broken pot back to that empty well.

He knows my stresses, your stresses & wants us to know Him as the God who is enough, the All Sufficient One.

He is constant amid the changing. He is Faithful when all we know is faithlessness.

He wants us to know Him.

Pause with me here for a moment. I know I have not plumbed the depths of this mystery...You know that longing in my soul to be known? Really, really known? You know that longing in your soul to be understood? To be heard? Catch this... it is but a mirror of the Creator, God of the Universe's longing to be known. Not just to be known as we might know the stats on the favorite sports star or favorite team. 

Not just to be known by someone...but to be known by You. 
To be known by me.

God is longing for intimacy with you...with me. He is longing for true relationship & connecting. That longing we have is but a piece of our reflecting the image of God.

John goes so far as to say that this knowing of God is eternal life.

Do I know Him?

Do you?

Is He our closest confidant? Do we know Him as He truly is?

When Isaiah saw Him, he saw himself as he really was.

Do we know Him? Have we spent time beholding Him in His Word? Have we contemplated his Life & His great sacrifice? 

How long has it been since I have had my soul laid bare by this knowing?
It has been too long. The path to the throne is overgrown and the one to the broken, empty well has become a groove.

Have I found in Him my purpose & source of life?

To know Him is to love Him. But we cannot know Him as it is our privilege to know Him if we don't spend time with Him.

My problems with stress and worry reveal my lack of true knowledge of Him. My problems with integrity reveal I do not know Him. My life reveals I don't know Him. My lack of peace, my inconsistent joy, the discord of my home, my addictions, the tone of voice I use, the way I drive by someone in need, the way I spend my money, the way I spend my time, the clutter of my life...all these reveal the truth. I do NOT know Him as I could. I do not KNOW Him as I should.

My attempts to reform my own life reveal I do not really believe Him, nor do I really trust Him, nor do I really know Him.

The solution is found in Him.

He was not exaggerating when He said, "apart from Me you can do nothing."

Stop!

Don't continue that path! YOU canNOT fix it. 

Come to Him, just as you are...just as I am. Let Him melt your heart.

Dwell in His presence. Contemplate His amazing self-less life. Chew on the literal, lived out way He gave up everything to minister to those who did not benefit Him at all. Ponder His humility and His willingness to give and give and give until there was nothing left. 

Know Him.

In the Knowing you will be changed.

In the dwelling in His presence the earth will lose it's allure. Your heart's tendrils & my heart's tendrils will entwine themselves with what thrills His soul. 

We will find, that when we are taken up with Him, nothing else is really quite the same.

When we see Him, we will be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.