Without the death there is no growth.
The seeds must be buried. They must go into the ground and die. Somewhere in the death process is the hope of life.
And yet there are times when the seed is buried, and nothing comes up. It is buried, it dies and nothing. Hope dies out.
We just planted some corn recently. Most of it came up. But there are these spaces, where nothing happened. So we replanted. There are still these spots. Empty places.
Like the emptiness that sometimes fills my heart.
I pray into the empty spaces, hopeful. Longing.
But it is a tentative longing. I find myself wanting to hope, but afraid that I will plant one more seed of hope and find it also dies out, snuffed out by the heat, the dry-ness, the weeds will choke it out, or the bugs get to it, before it even has a chance to get established.
How does one pray for God's will? Do you find that when you reach out toward praying for His will that you must battle your will? When you fight your will, pushing it down, trying to get your will to give in to the realization that He gives what is best, does it fight back?
In the end I must trust Him with the seeds.