...God lost His personhood somewhere when I fell upon the realization that God isn't safe. Sometime back in my experience I had an unconscious fallacy slip into my experience with God. I guess it is a version of the Santa Claus god or the lotto god, but all I know for sure is that it is not The God, the Almighty Creator God, the Maker of heaven and earth. I had thought I could be obedient to ensure certain "safe" results.
Now, I am not trying to suggest that serving sin doesn't have its consequences, yet sometimes they are delayed.
Nor, am I suggesting that serving God is not full to the tip top with benefits, for surely my life is a living tapestry of the truth of God's mercy and goodness on the undeserving.
Yet, it is also true that just because you have faith, and obey does not necessarily mean that God will protect you from the evil that lives in the land. If you don't believe me ask Job, who God Himself said was blameless. Now it is illogical to jump from the land of faith to the land of fear on the basis of a "so what if", but that is where I have found myself.
Fear has a strange way of taking over your life.
It rises up at the most in-opportune times. It swallows your would be faith and leaves its cold claws around an emotionless shrinking heart. In its tracks it leaves a cold emotionless shrinking life.
The answer to the fear is Truth. Not some theory about truth but the person of Truth, Jesus Christ. The answer to fear is the cross.
With Paul's words I find myself taking tentative steps back toward faith, back toward the possibility of this dichotomy being able to survive my brain's attempt to make sense out of the experience of pain and sorrow and a loving God co-existing. In his words I find my hope, "He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?" (Romans 8:32). Surely God will give us all the small gifts we need, after all He gave His best gift to us, willingly, without coercion. He gave His Son.
Surely He is good, how amazingly good I cannot begin to plumb the depths. "But as it is written: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Corinthians 2:9) And these "things" that Paul is talking about are good things. These are the experience of taking the "taste and see that the Lord is good"(Psalm 34:8) path.
The answer to the fear is to accept Perfect Love in. This is not an academic understanding of love nor a warm gushy mushy love, this is the Personhood of Love embodied in the truth that God Himself is love.
The truth is, God is love. The truth is that Jesus is the Truth. So we are not talking about the answer being a theological truth, we are talking about a person.
Yes, I will not deny that there is need for intellectual understanding, but there is a greater need. The need is to know and love the Truth. The need is to know the One who is Love, not about Him, but to know Him...