Our Hearts and Other Soil

So the garden is growing.  It is growing in spite of the overly clayey soil.

It is growing in spite of the too high phosphorus.

It is growing in spite of the crazy low levels of nitrogen.

It reminds me so much of our hearts.  God's grace is so amazing that it still causes growth in spite of the terrible condition of the soil in our hearts.  

As we have been reading and researching I have begun to think the analogy goes further.  In the parable of the sower Jesus describes our hearts as different types of soil.  According to the research that we have come across the gardner can grow soil.  No matter how bad your soil is, it can become great soil for growing.  It takes work, and composting and de-rocking and double digging to improve the micro-nutrients and the soil composition.  Now according the Biblical parable, God is the gardener.  I know so little about gardening, but the Gardener of our hearts, He is amazing.  He knows all about growing the soil in the garden of our hearts.  

Now here in Texas our soil has two struggles.  The first is the clay.  The soil here compacts because it is made of fine clay particles that don't absorb water initially very well.  Once it gets wet it stays wet, sometimes too wet, causing it to have trouble draining enough for many plants' tastes.    When it does dry out the soil cracks, deep cavern type cracks.  The second problem is down anywhere from 6 inches to 3 feet is a layer of rock.  The rock also doesn't drain well.  Some plants (read native) do fine here, but others (pretty much the trees that bare fruit and grapes and blueberries and...) don't care for this type of treatment.

That parable about the soil talked about rocky soil.  As Mark tried to break through the rock with a metal bar I couldn't help but think about the rocky soil.  Boy it takes a lot of work to get a hole into it far enough, deep enough, wide enough so that the soil will drain and the roots won't rot. 

So as we have been experimenting with our garden, I feel God working on my heart.  I can feel Him begin to break up the bedrock that lies, not too far beneath the surface.  A couple weeks back I was asked to preach a sermon on joy.  It was hard to preach a sermon on joy.  In my search through various verses I think I have struck on some of my struggles with the issue.  You see that parable about the soil, also speaks to the idea of joy.  It connected joy to receiving the gospel.  But it also said that the ones who received it with joy died early because of their lack of root.  I have been praying the last couple of weeks for God to break up the rock of my heart so that the roots of the "good news" of Jesus Christ can go deep.  I want these roots to infiltrate all the crevices of the deepest places of my heart, so that the joy of the Lord can be my strength, so it can fill me full to the top of the Life More Abundant.  It is not enough to receive the word with joy, I want to go on to experience His joy and His perfect peace.

Gardening in Eden, Gardening Now

In Eden the soil was alive with everything needed for growth and vitality.  The soil was not compacted or full of weeds and rocks.  A mist came up and watered the garden every morning and the temperature matched what was needed to bring life and growth to the garden.

Well let me just say, this is not Eden.

The last couple of days as I have worked out in our little garden I have been contemplating the parallels between gardening and spiritual development.  Today it hit 80F.  Now there is 80 and then there is 80 with humidity.  Let me just say I miss, my 105F in the shade, after all, it was a dry heat.  The knowledge that Texas heat and humidity hasn't even hit its stride yet, further adds to the discomfort.  The soil here is a nice thick sludge that you loosen only to have the weight of it compact it again.

I have planted a few things in the garden so far.  The strawberries and onions that were already plants look great.  I have a few potted plants that are doing fine.  The seeds, well so far, I believe they are avoiding growth.  Now, I am not 100% sure.  After all there are some sprouts showing up.  Long thin strands are pushing their way through the soil.  They could be the chives I planted a week and a half ago.  However, these strands are showing up everywhere I did not plant chives, in addition to the occasional blade in the chive square.  The ones that were next to the strawberry plants,  I pulled, taste a lot like grass, but who am I to say that when they show up in the chive square they aren't chives.  So, we play the waiting game.

We have been double digging our garden.  It is a slow process and at times we wonder is it really worth it.  The beds were weeded to varying degrees and I am expecting varying results to follow.  Never mind the vast amount of grass seed that was just hanging out in the soil waiting to germinate in the spring.  The rocks get pulled out, compost and sand gets added in.  We did a soil sample and we took another to the post office today.  Our home test says the soil is a bit alkaline.  So we are adding compost and hoping that the soil itself doesn't kill off our plants until we can get it more in balance.

All this may seem like a lot of work.  In reality it is only a decent amount of work, but I am born in the city so the adjustment may make it feel like a lot of work.  In an age when there are tractors and tillers, why do the work by hand?  There are so many labor saving devices, why not use them?

I have always done my best thinking when I am working or playing outside.  So the work has generated a bit of pondering.  I have to say honestly, my thoughts have been cloudy for quite a while.  I don't feel like I have been away from the city long enough for my thoughts to have fully cleared, or perhaps it is that we have brought enough of the city with us that we add to our problem.  At times, it feels like I am living my life in a deep fog.

So as I have been wading through this fog a few things have become clear.  This gardening is a parable of my life.  The condition of the soil, is much like the condition of my heart.  Now, I have read somewhere that soil can be healed and reclaimed and made wonderful, no matter how bad it's condition originally.  I have not experienced it personally, but I have heard a few stories and I have enough buy in to actually try, even if its a bit of work.

I have also read in the Bible that God can change hearts and heal lives, no matter how bad the condition, He can reclaim the years the locusts have eaten.  Sometimes, it seems like a lot of work for nothing.  Shouldn't there be some sort of quick fix for this tedious process of weeding, removing rocks, watering, aerating the soil?  Yet, I know when I am gardening, I want to feel the soil between my fingers.  I don't want to add to the pollution, and allow some machine to put the energy into it.  I want to be tired and sore when I get done.  I want to personally invest myself into it.  Maybe, it is the same with my heart and God.  Maybe, He wants to draw close and prune and cut and pull weeds and de-rock it and till up my heart.  Would it be strange to suggest that God might want to get some dirt under His nails?  Was that why Jesus came?  Maybe the time spent in relationship is better, then some quick fix.

Rumor has it that tractors are actually part of our soils problem.  I read this amazing article on soil in an old issue of National Geographic.   Funny, how the further we get away from Eden, the more we think we have a solution, a way of doing things better.  God told man to till the ground.  Man comes up with a way to do it with less work.  Man then comes up with a way to get someone else, some place else to do it for him.  Mass production begins.  Mass production is turning our world into a desert.  Having someone else some place else do it, means the price of food goes up.  Now we have to pay the farmer, the harvesters, the gas or diesel for the tractor, and the worker and the shipping to get it to our grocery store.  (For ideas on how to do this another way I recommend the book, Eat Where you Live  by Lou Bendrick.  For those in Fresno, you can get it in the library. )

Could it be that when we try to come up with a better way to do things, it is a sign of our weakness and not a strength.  In an effort to get out of the garden, are we avoiding the lessons that God is trying to teach us about our hearts and our souls?  If I am too busy to sit in the quiet, could I lose out on the ability to slow down and hear the birds, the wind in the leaves and the whisper of that still small voice?

No, its not Eden.

But maybe, God still comes to us in the garden in the cool of the day, but we have out-sourced that job, so we aren't there.  The King of the Universe used to come to the garden to walk and talk with His friends and creation.  His Word claims He does not change.  In our search for a way to do things better, maybe it would be a good idea to try to move back toward the way things were in Eden, instead of away from that ideal toward something we have contrived on our own.  After all, righteousness by faith is about letting God do it His way in our lives.  He lives in us.  It requires a bit of pruning and weeding and pulling up of rocks but it is worth it, because our Gardener is in pursuit of a crop and He will get it unless we pull back and insist on doing it our own way.

Trust beyond Feeling

What must it have been like to have been made in the garden?  If your only memories were of perfection, bliss and perfect harmony, how hard would it have been to leave?  How would it have torn your heart to see it all slipping away, because of something you did?  What does it mean to trust God beyond the feeling?

Can we move beyond the place where Eve stood, looking longingly toward the tree.  There she was caught between God's Word and the serpent's lie.  As she ponders, her perception rises up and sides on the side of the serpent.  Her senses agree with the lie.  What now?

Oh, it is easy to judge her from outside the garden.  We forget the times today, this hour, this second where we have stood looking longingly toward our tree, caught between God's Word and the serpent's lie.  What will we do when our senses side on the side of the serpent?

It is oh so easy to judge her from outside the garden.

It is a long journey, learning this art of abiding in Christ.  When it feels, like you are all alone, what then?  The Word says, "I will never leave you," but your heart feels...  It is then that the serpent whispers.

How does one settle down into the circle of God's love and trust it, because it is and not allow the sensation of our lack of worth drive us out of His presence?   Was it this sense that drove our parents to hide behind the trees and make their futile attempts at clothing themselves?

What does righteousness by faith look like with clothes on it?  Did it look like God unclothing Adam and Eve from the clothes they had made, removing piece by piece the lies that were blinding their eyes and their hearts?  The lie that they could fix it themselves.  The lie that they could hide their imperfections from God.  The lie that they didn't need God.  When God made them clothes of animal skins, did Eve's heart break to see the precious lamb's blood flow?  Was this what righteousness by faith looked like?

Corrie ten Boom said, "Don't wrestle, just nestle."  Is this what it means to trust beyond the feeling.  To hold on tightly to truth, no matter what it feels like.  At some point along the way, will we realize that when we are holding on to Truth it is holding on to Jesus, Himself?  If we cling to Him we will find ourselves in the shelter of His wings.

If we can gaze into His eyes, and take our eyes off of the tree, will we find it is harder to hear the serpent?  I believe that while nestling in His arms, it will be easier to verify our perceptions with His will and to trust Him beyond the feeling.

Longings

Have you ever desired, deep in the bedrock of your soul, to be understood?  There is a sense of need, to be intellectually known.  Perhaps it is a built in need that God has placed there.

It is easy to feel all alone, in spite of the milling throng.  If in that throng there are no sympathizing ears and hearts, no answering chords of harmonious thoughts, the tendency is to feel desolate.  It seems overwhelmingly solitary when you are surrounded by people, but no one understands.  It is easy to begin feeling left out, and even begin to wonder about your ability to make coherent sense, when you desire to be heard, to be understood and to be able to share ideas and theories, but they fall on deaf ears that cannot hear beyond the bias of their previous thought.  

Sometimes, in the effort to plot the next answer we fail to listen to the sentence, or even the heart of the other person, poured out for us in the desire to communicate.  Is it possible, today in my quickness to answer, I missed an opportunity to connect with another isolated soul?

When God made man, did He desire to connect with man on a level of intellectual giving of Himself to us?  Does He look down on earth with its milling throng and feel lonely for someone who would be interested in "hearing" Him?  Are we rushing past, when He tries to draw near to us, seeking for a heart that might want to "know" Him and "understand" Him?

There is often a desire for relational understanding among each other.  Yet, I remain unknown.  Is that because we were not made for this knowing amongst each other, but to be known by God Himself?  Or is this void, this vacancy, a symptom of the brokenness of our relationships?

When I find myself longing after a forgotten garden, I often find myself yearning after the sense of wholeness.  I am craving relationships that do not have space and distance in them.  I dream of the ability to communicate in ways that express ideas, share dreams and in the sharing of ideas connect me on a deeper level with another.

When I reach toward the glorious day of our Lord's soon returning, I am reaching toward the wholeness of restored relationships and the ability to be known.